


Werewolves of Brooklyn

by Missy



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 06:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2841203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake tries to find out what Rosa does in her off-time for once and for all.  But he and the rest of the gang are in for a huge surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Werewolves of Brooklyn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fenellaevangela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenellaevangela/gifts).



“Guys, I have it,” Jake said. “It’s perfect, it’s foolproof, and it’s going down tonight.”

 

“Oh honey, don’t brag about your new girlfriend in public. It’s sad and kinda gauche, and I think you’re just going to make Hitchcock jealous,” said Gina, filing away at her nails from her desk. Hitchcock was at his own desk, eating a sub with the sort of passionate fervor normally reserved for a pair of lovers lost in their first affair. 

 

“First of all, ewww,” his lip curled. “Second of all I’m not talking about my girlfriend who is, by the way, a total class act with AMAZING hair. I’m talking about the whole Rosa thing.”

 

A chorus of groans “Will you guys leave her alone?” asked Amy. “If Rosa wants to keep her personal life personal, you should all respect her wishes.”

 

“Santiago, don’t tell me you’re not curious about what goes on at Rosa’s casbah at night.” Jake said. “I think she has nightly boink parties with aliens from other dimensions.”

 

“Private sex dungeon,” said Gina.

 

“I’m thinking secret paramilitary outfit meets in her attic? Maybe something to do with explosives?” Charles offered.

 

“Maybe she just likes to sleep in?” Amy suggested.

 

“God, you’re so cute when you’re boring,” declared Gina with a roll of her eyes.

 

“So what’s your plan?” asked Gina of Jake. 

 

“Okay, first of all we have to develop foolproof disguises.” He grabbed a paper box from the floor and set them on his desk. “So I raided the evidence locker!”

 

A chorus of groans rained down. Amy approached first, plucking out a fake beard. “Uh, this smells like embalming fluid.”

“You’re lucky,” Amy said, handling a shawl with the tips of her fingers. “This one smells like pee.”

 

“Um that smells like it’s been embalmed because somebody pulled it off of Herbie from Cremations 4 Cheap when they arrested him for larceny last week, and the shawl smells like pee because it belongs to Elaine the Cat Lady.”

 

“Oh no, not Herbie. When I went I planned on reposing in his Rose Room, holding a copy of my eventually-self-published tome ‘Will There Ever be a Dance Off?’” said Gina. “And in my other hand will be a lit rocket…”

“WHY Would you keep anything from Cat Lady Elaine around the precinct?” Amy yelped, cutting Gina off. “The last time I locked her up she got caught trying to register her cats to vote. All of them!”

 

“Doesn't really matter where they came from, guys. Need you to focus here,” said Jake.

“You're not the one who smells like fear and cat pee,” said Rosa. The others grumbled their assent and they dressed up to leave the precinct anyway.

&&&&&&&&&&

A few minutes later they were sitting in an unmarked cruiser outside of Rosa’s last known address. 

“What’s your plan?” Amy whispered in Jake’s ear.

“Um, I really didn't make one. But I figured that the element of surprise should – “he trailed off on a scream as a large black wolf suddenly charged the car.

As screams rent the air the wolf paused, its steam-spewing muzzle twitching. Apparently it could smell them. Jake let out a high-pitched scream as Amy threw her arms around his neck and squeezed her eyes shut.

But the charge didn’t come. They cracked open their eyes. The wolf’s stare was almost familiar, strangely resolute and intelligent – a factor quickly explained as its coat molted away, its teeth and muzzle shrinking to human proportions, until it morphed into a beautiful woman. 

A beautiful, Rosa-shaped woman.

Gina reacted first. “Oh cruel psychedelics, why do you mock me?” she cried out. Then she realized she’d wrapped her arms around Charles’ neck and disengaged from him with a shudder. 

“Rosa?” Amy squawked out, pulling herself away from Jake.

“Yeah.” Rosa grunted. She tugged at the collar of her leather jacket. “I’m gonna go change. Come on up. I know you’re gonna want to….” she sneered at this point. “talk.”

“THAT’S JUST WHAT ANY MURDEROUS WEREWOLF WOULD SAY!” Charles shrieked. 

“Well, she hasn’t murdered any of us yet,” said Amy. “Maybe we should follow her.”

“But what if she….” Charles started out.

“No matter who she is…she’s still Rosa,” said Amy.

“Excellent detective work, Officer Blatantly Obvious,” Jake said. But he switched the ignition off, and in their costumes the entire gang followed Rosa inside.

&&&&&&&&&&

Within minutes they were all assembled in her living room, trying their best to seem casually okay with one of their closest friends being a werewolf. As soon as she was alone with them she took a whiff of the air and kept sniffing it, rushing up to Charles. “One of you smells like cat pee,” she said, staring into his eyes.

He cringed back, raised his hand. “I’m wearing Cat Lady Elaine’s shawl.”

“You can take it off,” said Jake. “Why are you not taking it off, and why is it SO HOT in here?!”

“I think it shows off my features,” insisted Charles, clinging to it

Rosa rolled her eyes and sat on the kitchen counter. “All right. Who has questions?”

“Do you ever run out of Nair?” Jake asked.

“Who has smart questions?” Rosa rephrased herself.

“How did you, y’know…become a were-you?” asked Gina.

“It’s been a thing in my family for generations. My Nana Diaz always said that it started with my great uncle. He fought off six werewolves during World War I but still got bit.” Rosa shrugged. “I’m the fourth one in my line and no, we don’t lick ourselves clean, Jake.”

“…I wasn’t going to ask that, what are you talking about?” he said.

“What’s it like?” Amy asked, and then quickly blustered, “If you don’t want to tell us, that’s fine!”

 

“Most of the time it’s cool.” Rosa shrugged. “Helps me track down perps. Any other questions?”

“Is it true you can smell a fresh kill from thousands of miles away, and did you know I ate your Thai leftovers last Saturday because you could smell them on me even though I gargled in the men’s room afterward?” Charles asked. 

“Um, eww,” said Jake.

“Everyone else got to ask what they wanted! Just let me have a food question!”

“Yes and yes,” said Rosa. “Nobody else?” Silence followed. “Great. I vote we don’t talk about this ever again and we all go out for dinner!” 

“Seconded,” Jake said. 

A murmur of agreement went up from the crowd.

&&&&&&&&&&

And so they did it – though they all noticed that sometimes, when she was on the trail of a difficult perp, when Hitchcock or Scully took her leftovers, or when she had to deal with somebody particularly annoying – the flash of a wolf’s glare entered her expression, and she bore suspiciously sharp teeth. 

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't resist the idea of werewolf!Rosa even if I tried to. I hope you have as much fun reading this treat as I did writing it!


End file.
